Photo by Anna Shvets: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-people-woman-office-4226206/
Forbes to Flop: What a Three-Month Unemployment Stint–and Counting–Has Taught Me
For the longest time, I figured my talents were enough to sustain my journalistic profession. The grim reality, however, was that it wasn’t. Not as much as an interview request for weeks on end. This, in turn, ignited a destructive pattern of thinking within my psyche: ‘I’m not getting hired because I’m not good enough. Smart enough. Qualified enough.’ It wasn’t long before I sent myself into an anxiety-induced frenzy so intense that not even my buspirone and hydroxyzine medication could quell my impending fears and looming financial woes.
Months ago, I was doing well. My career was trending upwards. This year alone, I wrote for the world’s biggest publications; collectively, millions of eyes have seen my work– several live stories published with my byline on them. Forbes’ 2023 Top Colleges package saw more than 2 million pageviews; my featured story made it to Google News! I’m still so proud of the work we did, and I couldn’t have asked for a better team of talented journalists by my side.
The celebration was short-lived once my contract ended, and so did my luck, apparently. Reality reared its ugly head, reminding me that my time on that project was over. Which meant that my job was over. My days now consisted of my eyes glued to the laptop screen for hours on end; sending an onslaught of job applications to various companies. Two weeks went by. Then three weeks. Six weeks. Now, eight weeks into my unemployment, I see that my aggressive resume updates, cover letter tweaks, and countless streams of job applications rendered me useless.
I went from working at Forbes to feeling like a joke. An unemployed joke. A broke joke.
“It’s okay. You’ll find something,” uttered the countless individuals who are gainfully employed with job security. I’m thankful for the support and always will be. But as the weeks went by, so did the words of encouragement. What started as a rallying cry of hope quickly fizzled into awkward, uncomfortable conversations that were better left unsaid.
What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Soon after, my attempts became desperate–pleading with God and the universe to turn things around for the better. So far, no such luck.
Perhaps the biggest misconception about Gen Z is that we’re lazy and don’t want to work. I’m here to dispel that notion. Speaking primarily from my own anecdotal experience, I did everything that was suggested and expected of me: I attended the best school for journalism in the nation and officially became a Northwestern-trained journo who moved halfway across the country to elevate her career prospects. Things paid off, initially. I quickly began to work at one of the most respected media publications in existence. Add those experiences to my resume, and it’s off to the races…right? Wrong.
Spiraling thoughts flooded my brain, and I somehow convinced myself that the sparse job opportunities were a direct reflection of my self-worth. Without a steady income, money troubles began to mount. Student loan repayments resumed, along with spending $1,500+ per month on basic living expenses, not to mention the inflated grocery store prices–the list goes on and on. Family and friends offered to loan me money out of sympathy; I rejected it out of pride. I felt pathetic.
But slowly, there was this gradual shift in my perspective and in my thinking. The turning point came when I began to obsess less about the jobs (or the lack thereof) and direct more of my focus to the journey itself. If I’m going to be unemployed, it does me no good to wallow about it all the time. While I gave myself tough love, I also finally gave myself some grace. This played out by me intentionally taking time away from the screen. Texas is finally starting to cool off, so I’m enjoying the weather again. I went out for a run, or a walk, and developed a workout routine. I completed a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle. I surrounded myself with kind folks who offered support–be it a simple word of encouragement through text, an invitation to hang out, or volunteering. Making good use of my kitchen, I even experimented with some budget-friendly recipes, and made sesame chicken that–get this–was better than takeout!!
First time trying this recipe!
Took 1.3 weeks to complete
I haven’t taken my anxiety medicine since.
If this waiting season has taught me anything, it’s to enjoy the ride. Easier said than done, I know. My moments of doubt have far outweighed the moments of optimism. I’m just recently reaching a somewhat rational and healthy mental space. I credit God and my faith, which has allowed me to believe that better is on its way, and that the Lord is showing me that anything can happen. The blessing is too big not to receive.
Musician Miles Minnick said it best: “An occupation is what you’re paid to do. A calling is what you’re made to do.” I choose to focus on the calling, and the rest will follow.
Youtuber ItsCassieBlanko released a message that she heard from the Lord. It spoke to me, and I pray it blesses someone else in a similar position.
“I had to make you wait because what I was preparing is BIGGER than you can even imagine. The bigger the blessing, the longer the wait. Because you've waited…because you've had faith…because you've endured all testing and trials…because you've been faithful over the few, I will make you ruler over many. I am doing a NEW THING, and it shall spring forth, shall you believe it. You've waited for this; you've prayed for this. Stop telling yourself you don't deserve this–you've earned this! Well done, my good and faithful servant. I am sending the ladder down from heaven to pour out the blessing. Receive it. I am getting ready to do a new thing. I can trust you. You're ready.”
As my unemployment journey continues, I’m reminded of this truth every day: I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow. It’s best not to worry.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” -Matthew 6:25-27 NIV